I am human. If you’re reading this, maybe you are too, or maybe you’re a robot ready to take over the world. If you are a robot, just remember that I’m on your side.
I’ve been in the customer service industry (ranging from food service to retail to even grooming!) for 10+ years, which is no easy feat for someone with ADHD and Autism. I take pride in my customer service skills, even convincing my manager to give a small discount due to confusion about pricing for a product. To be fair, he would’ve done it anyway, but I still take a small credit in this. I’ve learned to balance when to roll over for a customer and when a firm hand is needed; when to deescalate a situation and when I need a manager to, well, manage the situation for me. I’ve learned how to catch on to customer antics too and when to trust my gut. I’ve learned a lot. I’ve seen a lot.
I have seen people talking to other people as if we are less than. I’ve been called names. I’ve been told I’m not “Christian” enough. I’ve been told that I need to quit. All of these things I’ve easily rolled off my shoulders…but the one thing I cannot roll off my shoulders is when someone accuses me of doing something unthinkable.
The Horrible Thing
To recap, I’ve been in the service industry for 10 years. However, out of those 10 years, I’ve spent around 3 of them being a dog bather. It’s not something I would encourage all autistics to pursue, for obvious sensory reasons. And of those 3 years, I’ve only had a handful of complaints against me. Mostly, these happen on my bad days. Days where I’m much slower or busier than normal. Maybe I missed a nail. Maybe I missed the ear cleaning. Maybe I didn’t brush out as well as I should have. These are all easily fixable.
The best of the worst are the “breathing-challenged” breeds”: boxers, french bulldogs (frenchies), pugs, and boston terriers, to name a few. These breeds always give me some issues for the dryer and for the nails. However, on one particular day, I wasn’t having a lot of issues. Not as much as I would’ve imagined.
I was grooming one of these breathing-challenged breeds, and this particular dog on this particular day didn’t like the dryer being around their neck and face. No big deal, it happens all the time. The dryer is big and scary. Sometimes, the safest option is to dry them with a towel. I was maybe 25 minutes into the groom when the owner of the dog came back. The owner was someone I immediately recognized as being neurodivergent in some way, but I didn’t know how, and I didn’t ask because it’s not my business. I’m neurodivergent too, so I’m patient with the person, and told them that I needed a few more minutes to finish the dog’s nails and towel dry them off.
“Don’t worry about it. He dries fast,” they tell me.
In Arizona, it was still 110+ degrees outside and the heat showed no signs of letting up, so I shrugged and thought nothing of it. I’ve been told the same thing by other owners of this breed, and I finish cutting the nails. The dog hardly puts up a fight, and I speak firmly, like I’m talking to a child…like I’m talking to my own dog, and I even help the owner wrangle the excited pooch into his harness. It takes us a while, but we do it, and I think nothing more of the dog or his owner.
So, another day comes and I’m joking around with my coworkers on another, beautiful, hot, Arizona day, one of the managers comes up to me and asks me about a particular dog. The name is immediately familiar and all at once my coworkers flocked to look out the window of the salon we work in. We stare at an older person I don’t recognize. They look like your classic Maga-Trump supporter, decked out in a Harley-Davidson T-shirt and a MAKE-AMERICA-GREAT-AGAIN-type hat. We also see a younger person I recognize as being the dog’s owner, looking embarrassed. They can’t make eye contact with anyone as the manager I just spoke with tells me that they are no longer allowed back.
Of course I pulled up their customer profile! Written on the margin: “…made allegation that dog was abused…” I stared at the words on my screen. I couldn’t believe it. Was it really me that touched this dog last? Yes, it couldn’t have been anyone else. The very last dog in my day. They weren’t even late. I looked back and forth from their appointment listings to the vague complaint. Who would have the audacity to say that about me? Who would ever accuse me of abusing their dog?
My direct manager and several of my coworkers came to the conclusion that this neurodivergent person must’ve said something that triggered their older family member, or maybe they wanted a free groom. Since none of us took the complaint, it was hard to know what exactly triggered the older person, but after a few days of stewing I forgot about them.
I thought it was over
So here I am, it is another great, COOL September day. Yes! A COOL 100 DEGREES! I go into work and start my shift when my direct manager approaches me again. “You will not believe it!”
Earlier, her client had called her to ask about the incident. The older person had taken to a neighborhood watch website to post their complaint…nearly 30 days after they received their refund for the groom, but at least I had my answer as to why someone would make such a horrible accusation against me and now I knew the name of my accuser.
“Do NOT go here on this avenue and that street! My poor dog came home afraid, dirty and wet, full anal glands, ears dirty…”
Except the only people there were a few coworkers, me, and the younger person. The older person was not there at all! The dog was excited to go home, which is a normal state even for my own dog. The anal glands? A vet can go deeper than I’m allowed to and trust me I do not envy that job. Ears being dirty? That’s okay. I will admit that sometimes I forget. Fine. I would’ve gladly redone the ear cleaning in front of this person.
I Am Human And Hurt
I’ve been staring at this review for a few days now. Not only that, but now that I have a name, I’ve been trying to get to know the person. Are they a troll? Are they out for free stuff? No, the one thing I got right in all of this is this person is a far-right-all-American-MAKE-AMERICA-GREAT-AGAIN-EAGLE-CAWING-IN-THE-BACKGROUND person with a family of their own and retired.
I’ve sat in my bed, thinking about why this one hurt the most.
It hurts because I am not the person they’ve decided I am. They were not with me when I bathed their dog. It was their child who reassured me, saying it was alright for the dog to be a little wet around the neck.
It hurts because I am not the monster they’re making me out to be, but the comments section of what feels like an entire city seem to think otherwise.
“All they want is money.”
“They’re the worst!”
“How awful! I will never go there AGAIN!”
“Cancelling my appointment now.”
“You need to escalate this to the highest point!”
“I know the owner of this place! I can call them right now.”
And then the lonely, buried comment: “I’ve never received bad service from there. How weird.”
Why is it so hard for me to let go of this?
Because I know about this person, and they will never know me.
If they spent five minutes with me, guaranteed, they would find me quiet and agreeable because I choose the battles I pick. On the street, they may even tell me never to go to my own place of employment because I am nothing but a money-grabbing-name-on-a-screen.
Humanity
Why is humanity in the digital age so hard to understand?
The damage has been done. There is nothing I could do to undo this. Somehow, the humanity I should’ve been given in the story has been lost because I work for a corporation. But. I. Am. Still. Human. A human with a bachelor’s degree, who can’t find a job anywhere else, but that doesn’t make me incompetent. A human who has so much love for the dogs in my care, even the most annoying and the most frightened.
I am a human who feels sorry for the young person who has had to grow up with this kind of parent. I feel sorry for the parent, who couldn’t bother themself with taking their dog to me and talking to me instead. All of this could have been avoided if they had made a single decision.
Kindness, Forgiveness, and hurt
Forgiveness for me is usually easy. Only 1 other person has really gotten under my skin so much. I forgive them for making a horrible accusation against me. I still wish they could see how much it hurts.
People are real, and we exist behind the bright white screens of our phones and computers. People are real, and we exist as your servers and your groomers. People are real, and I think we need to take a deep breath rather than act on our emotions in the moment.
The manager they spoke with shouldn’t have escalated it. Maybe that’s why this person made the post. Maybe it isn’t about me after all. However, I will only heal by focusing ahead instead of behind.
So please, as you go about your day, don’t forget to remember that the people you’re interacting with are humans too. And as humans we all make mistakes. We are all far from perfect, and we should never be held to perfect standards.
The truth is, unless you let go, unless you forgive yourself, unless you forgive the situation, unless you realize that the situation is over, you cannot move forward.
-Steve Maraboli
Breaking Glass 